Archive | May, 2014

Being somebody’s girlfriend

19 May

I’m just going to get this out of the way so the advice-giving can commence: I want to be somebody’s girlfriend. I mean, I really, really want to fall in love with a person and have a partner. Really, really.

Being somebody’s girlfriend means you belong to one person in a way that is different from any other loving relationship you have. It means that someone wants to spend time with you that is not quite the same as the time you spend with others. It means that you have someone to hold your hand and kiss you in public and introduce you as his (or her) girlfriend and someone to share your sleeping bag on a camping trip and make you chicken soup when you’re sick and send you a “good morning my love” text message every day or every other day at least in the beginning when you’re both all googly-eyed and crazy about each other. Or maybe better yet, being somebody’s girlfriend means they wake up next to you every day and fall asleep with you every night — they’re the first and the last person. 


When you’re single and you have been for a long time and you’ve had a bad track record as far as long-term relationships go (I’m talking more than a month or three), and you say, “I want to be somebody’s girlfriend,” people think you mean this: “I don’t love myself and I need somebody else to love me,” or “I think my life is meaningless without a partner.”

For sure, there are people who say they want a boyfriend/girlfriend because they don’t love themselves, but actually for many people I know the reverse is true. We like ourselves a lot. We think we are pretty damn awesome…so awesome that we think it’s selfish to keep all that awesome to ourselves. We are comfortable doing things alone and have a good network of friends. We are independent and generally stable. We can scratch our own backs and don’t mind eating all the leftover food that we make for ourselves. We just want to share. 

I want to have someone in my life who wants to know my favorite color. I want someone who wants to spend time with me and who cherishes and adores me. I want to be somebody’s girlfriend, not because I don’t love myself but because I love myself so much.



Being a believer

2 May

Years ago I had a bit of an addiction to self help books. I was so unhappy with my life that I would read anything — including “The Rules,” which is a terrible book about manipulating a man into marrying you — with the hopes that the book would completely and totally change my life for the better. To be fair, “The Rules” does include a few rules that women should follow because we tend to let ourselves be taken advantage of and don’t believe we deserve to be treated with respect…but that’s another story. Most of it is just plain awful.

Last time I moved, I took three HUGE boxes of books to a store where they will actually pay you for your books, but I didn’t feel like waiting for about 3 hours to find out they would give me $10 for my junky collection of self help (and some good) books so I just walked out. I hope someone else is making use of my books now.

Today I rarely buy books and don’t have a Kindle or Nook or whatever the kids have, so when I actually purchase a self help book it HAS to be a good one. Because I googled something like “create your reality” and ran into a blog post about it, I felt compelled to buy “E²” by Pam Grout. It’s a book about using your mind to create your reality. It’s funny and it uses experiments, which I love.

One of the experiments requires you to ask the FP (field of potentiality or “God” or “the Universe” or whatever you want to call it) for something specific and give the FP a 48-hour deadline to make it happen. What you have to do is completely and totally believe that you will receive what you ask for and be willing to see it in whatever form it may take. For example, someone asked if they should pursue a career as a writer, and then he was fired from his job, leaving him with a lot of options for pursuing a different career! So, she says, be careful what you ask for.

I’ve been doing this, and it works. Pam Grout tells you to write down what you want, but I’ve found that speaking your intention aloud (in the shower) works best.

believeToday in my car I asked the FP to allow me to meet someone, by the end of the weekend, who could potentially become my partner for the rest of my life. I said, “I want to meet someone who could become my partner for the rest of my life by the end of the day on Sunday. I want to know it, and I want them to know it too. And I believe it will happen because I’ve been doing this for a damn long time and I’m ready! It’s about time!”

What this does, I think, is focus your mind and all the swirling around energy of the universe on getting you in touch with what you want. It also opens your mind to possibilities or to things you might not have otherwise seen, like when I asked to see butterflies in the freezing cold snowy spring and I started seeing them on tattoos and decals on car windows and advertisements on the television and even a bunch of them on my shower curtain which I had never noticed before.

I believe in true love, and I believe I can find it. I believe that I deserve to be happy in a partnership with another person and that I can bring wonderful things to another person as their partner. And I believe my Grandpa Lorne in heaven (or somewhere) is on the lookout for the perfect person for me.

I’m a believer.