Archive | December, 2016

Feeling pretty 

31 Dec

I’ve been on at least 50 first dates. When you meet that many people who never want to see you again, it’s very easy to get discouraged and down on yourself. I suppose that is true for almost anyone, but when you’re consistently putting yourself into a position to see yourself through the eyes of someone who rejects you, for whatever reason, it can be challenging to stay positive. 

So from time to time I have to make a list of things I like about myself. If you also have moments of self-doubt (who doesn’t?), I recommend you do this too. And if you can’t come up with anything, ask for help from someone who loves you. 

This is what I like about me:

  • I have great skin (thanks mom!) and hair (thanks dad!) 
  • I am 45 but people often say I look younger 
  • I am a thoughtful and generous friend 
  • I’m a fun aunt 
  • I am intelligent and witty
  • I’m a great cook 
  • I have a good imagination and I’m playful, so I’m fun to hang out with 
  • I’m an accomplished seamstress 
  • I am dedicated to my running training program
  • I have sexy curves 
  • I’m a pretty decent musician 

I can think of more but that’s a good start! What do you like about yourself? 


Thinking positively 

30 Dec

My super power is positivity. I know some of you who have known me for a while are rolling your eyes and guffawing out loud. But I am certain it’s true! Here’s how I know… 

In the last year I have come to realize how deeply I am affected by people who are negative — those who complain, gossip, and those who are quick to anger or overly judgemental, for example. Of course anyone who spends time around that kind of energy would feel the weight of it eventually, but I take it in and let it sometimes ruin my day. 

One day this year I decided to try fighting back by throwing out as much positive,  glittery energy as I could, and amazing things happened in my personal and professional life. I felt better physically and emotionally. I attracted good people into my life. I became more successful. It was magical! 

The thing about a super power is that the opposite of your power is your downfall. When I had this thought today in the wee hours of the morning, it seemed so profound. In print it looks more like the thesis of a C-grade first-year composition essay. 

Sometimes I get trapped under negative energy and it produces more negative thoughts. I get scared. I feel alone. I can’t speak or think clearly. I forget about my power. Even sugary coffee drinks and sparkly lip gloss don’t help. 

I’m there now. And I need help from my Boy Wonder sidekicks. Even superheroes have to be rescued once in a while. 

Crushing hard 

29 Dec

For about six months I’ve had a crush on a man who will never want to date me. I know, “never say never,” but he has known the whole time that I like him and he’s given me at least five reasons why he does not want to date me. We still flirt almost every day, but I’m fairly certain that nothing will actually happen. 

The reason this crush matters is that I hang on to my crushed feelings for a long time. When it began, I had absolutely no idea if the feelings were reciprocated, but I created the most wonderful relationship in my dreams, complete with the best, most romantic and fun wedding you can imagine. It was on a farm with lawn games, water balloons, and a pig roast.

And then he told me he didn’t want to get involved for all the reasons (there are several). I gave up the wedding plans, but I held on because I believed that if he got to know me and saw that I would be the best girlfriend ever, he’d change his mind. 

I know this is foolish, and I know as long as I have a crush on someone who doesn’t want me, I cannot be truly open to finding a real partner. Telling my secret will help me move on, especially if one of my friends offers to talk some sense into me. 

Do you hang on to feelings for a person who is not interested in you? Celebrities don’t count! 

Making good decisions 

28 Dec

History has shown that when it comes to matters of the heart, I cannot be trusted to make decisions that are in my own best interests. This is why the idea of me finding a partner for myself is somewhat frightening. 

To prove my point, my last five prospects have included:

  • A raging alcoholic who routinely drank a case of beer while sitting alone in the dark in his living room and who was, I suspected, a homosexual. 
  •  A Texan who was incredibly charming and who wanted to have a baby with me. Turns out his girlfriend, who he lived with, was not too keen on that idea. 
  • A barber from New York who was separated and assured me he was going to get a divorce. When his wife threatened to kill me unless I stopped seeing him, I took her advice. 
  • A sociopathic retired Army officer who was planning to move into an amazing apartment with me until he suddenly disappeared without a trace. Later, his on-and-off girlfriend of 21 years contacted me through Facebook to fill me in about his history. I actually suspected that he told her to tell me.
  • And lastly but not leastly, an addict who showed me some of the worst behavior one can imagine. Toward the end of our relationship, I slept with a baseball bat next to my bed because I was afraid of him. 

So you see, there is no question that my picker is broken.  

How, then, does a person with such a ridiculously bad history of choosing a potential mate move forward and learn to find a suitable and safe partner? Beats me. I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

Finding Mr. Right

27 Dec

When you are older and you’ve been unsuccessful in finding a mate, people say you’re too picky because you won’t date the first single person who comes to their mind. I don’t think I’m picky, but I do have a few must-haves and don’t-wants in my future husband. 

Looks – I really don’t have a physical type, but I tend to be attracted to men who are a bit stocky. Think “teddy bear.” 

Fitness – I’m a runner and a personal trainer, but I would prefer to date someone who does not like running so he can be my support crew and stand on the side of the race course holding a sign that says “NICE BUTT! I LOVE YOU!” It would be nice if he wanted to work out with me, too. 

Alcohol and Drugs – I have been sober for 9 years, and I have never used drugs (except that time in college when I tried marijuana but I swear I didn’t inhale). That said, I do not care if my partner drinks. If he needs to have a drink or five every day, that’s probably not going to work. I don’t mind at all being around people who are having drinks. Drugs, on the other hand, are an absolute deal breaker. 

Money – I do not want a man to buy me gifts, pay my bills, or spend money on me! If I ever get engaged, I don’t want a diamond. I like simple, useful gifts and I feel uncomfortable if someone pays for everything. So I’m searching for a man who wants a partnership, not one who thinks I will be attracted to his bank account or the things he owns. 

Religion – I am not sure if I can believe in God, but I’m open to the possibility and am interested in many forms of spirituality. A deeply religious man probably would not appreciate my questions and views! 

Lifestyle – I always ask myself, “What is the man of my dreams doing right now, and how can I find him?” The answer is: he’s at home on the couch eating a meal he made himself, cuddling his pet (dog or cat), and watching a British crime drama or a series about serial killers or aliens on Netflix. That’s why we can’t find each other! 

So that’s pretty much it! Not too picky, right? The bottom line is, I want to meet someone who likes me as much as I like him! I want someone who is excited to see me and who wants to tell his friends and family about the great woman in his life. 

Seeking a partner 

26 Dec

When I moved back to my home state last year, I was kind of in shock. Maybe that’s not the right term, but I moved to get away from a bad relationship and I was so freaked out that the thought of ever being in an intimate relationship with another person made me ill. 

After I got settled in and felt less crazy, I tried to meet men through a few Internet dating sites and didn’t make any connections that lasted. Then I had a couple of bad experiences a few months ago, so I decided to quit for a while. 

Now I’d like to try again. There has to be a nice, interesting, somewhat normal man out there for me. I really don’t want to use a dating site again so I’m going to try other options…like putting my phone number on a t-shirt and wearing it while I run or buying ad space at the movie theater. Any other suggestions are welcome. 

If you know a nice guy, tell me about him. Or better yet, tell him about me! I want 2017 to be the year I find my husband!