Sounding off

Single Woman’s 30-day Blog Challenge, Day 6: Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

If this means what I think it means, I’m probably going to need some therapy after I finish posting.

I’ve thought about the idea that I am choosing exactly what I want for some time regarding my most recent relationships. We have established that I do not make very good decisions on my own behalf when it comes to men because I’ve chosen some very awful people as partners, namely liars, sociopaths, addicts. These men have one thing in common: I fell hard and fast for each one of them.

I knew going into my last relationship that my partner had serious issues, and I did not for one second believe he could or would change because of me or for me. What I hoped, foolishly, is that he would feel safe enough with me to get better on his own. Ultimately that was not the case.

With him, I often wondered what it was in me that needed to be with a person like him. I mean, I knew exactly who he was and I chose to be with him. Did I think I could be a savior? Did I believe no one else would want me so I had to settle for him? I hope not, but I may hold such a belief and act on it to my detriment.

I don’t think I want a love life with a partner who frightens me or is dishonest with me, yet I have welcomed men into my life who do just that. Why have I repeated this pattern in my life, and how do I stop it? Perhaps I should meditate on the exact love life I want so I can manifest that guy into my life.

For now, I think I can rest in the fact that nobody wants to date me, with the possible exception of one libidinous oil field worker in Western North Dakota who is overly interested in my undergarments, and at least I can be relieved that I rejected him.

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