My friend suggested I should be using more than one dating app, more than just the free one I’ve been on for years but hadn’t opened for months. I asked him what the good ones were for people in our age category, and then I went ahead and opened up a few new accounts.
That was a little more than a week ago, which it turns out is the amount of time it takes me to remember why I deleted all the apps and stopped going on dates and haven’t had a relationship in nearly four years. You see, I am picky. Or perhaps I have unusually high standards. In any event, so far I have received messages from at least 50 men and so far only one has actually asked me on a date.
That’s not true. Today this dude named Kenny or something like that wrote, “ok baby lets go out tonight I get off work at 5 lets meet you can call me at seven oh one five five five seven five six three.” In his blurry profile selfie, he looked to be 20 years old, but his profile said he was 52. So that’s two men who have asked me out this week.
This is a sample of the insight I have gained into the possible reasons why I may never meet a man and establish a meaningful connection though one of these apps:
- I very much dislike being called “beautiful,” “sweetie,” “honey,” “baby,” or “gorgeous” in place of my name. My name — Wendi with an “i” — is actually on my profile. Men write, “Hey beautiful, what r u up to today?” as though they think that is endearing. Coming from a stranger, this is not endearing to me. It raises up my hackles. Do other women find this charming? Would a man say this to a woman in public, like at the grocery store? He would not!
- I like people who communicate in full sentences and have at least a modest command of their language. Today one man wrote, “Sorry to here that sweetie hope your better,” when I said I had been sick. Even the artificial intelligence in your talk-to-text feature knows the difference between here and hear. Doesn’t it?
- I will not give my phone number to anyone until I have met them in person, and sometimes not even then. Some men claim that the apps don’t work for them or they can’t receive notifications from the app. I know this is a lie. Many men will stop communicating if you won’t give out your number. Good riddance to whoever they claim to be.
- I do not send endless strings of back-and-forth mundane messages. I prefer to establish a hint of a connection and then make arrangements to meet in a public place within a reasonable period of time. That is the only way, in my experience, to determine if there is a reason to continue to communicate. Why men send messages day after day as though they are in prison and simply looking for a pen pal is beyond me.
- I am not impressed by pictures of: naked torsos, fish, animals you killed, pickups, motorcycles, or multiple pictures of you holding an alcoholic drink. I am impressed by pictures of: your dog, your cat, your clean kitchen and the tacos you just finished preparing, or your sweet mom.
- If someone writes, “Just ask” in the places where the rest of us have taken the time to write a few sentences about ourselves and the type of person we are hoping to meet, I am not going to ask. Ever.
I also know I am leery. Very leery. Perhaps overly cautious and not willing to give charming “Andre” the benefit of the doubt when I Google his long string of flowery text about romance and love and sunsets and find that exact text in multiple pages with pictures of different men on each profile. When something smells like a fish and talks like a fish, it’s probably fishy.
Do you know how difficult it is to find a person who communicates succinctly and respectfully while using proper grammar and punctuation? A person who actually wants to meet? A person whose life is bigger than fishing or golfing or Netflix? If there are men like that in my town, they are not on these apps. Or they don’t like me.
All I want is to meet someone I can love as much as I love my cat. That is not too much to ask, is it? Melvin says it’s not.
Being Wendi 
Great post 🙂